Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize