yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
