What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
