and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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