You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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