she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
