the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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