Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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