i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i've created a new STD.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
