he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
