her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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