i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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