dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
