I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My underwear smells like fireworks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
