I just made out with a guy for $7.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
