he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
