Ambien. No doubt about it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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