so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
