If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize