I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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