I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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