I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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