Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Vodka?
Forever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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