today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
