It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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