I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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