i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
