I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
