If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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