his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
