the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize