I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
