We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize