Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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