he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
