who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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