i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize