i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
