I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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