I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
