Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
