Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
