he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize