My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
