sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
