I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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