You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize