If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
