Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize