dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
two words: eviction party
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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