she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
