I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
