No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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