I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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