Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
