she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
