i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
