Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
