why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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