if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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