You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
