R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
