so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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