i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
