why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
