Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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