I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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