Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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