Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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