I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize