He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize