I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
