I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
