I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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