Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
