He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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