Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
