sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
