is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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