Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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