I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
