Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
