jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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