I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
