i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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