I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
