There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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