I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
