Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
