My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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