The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
