he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
