Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
