he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
