You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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