hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
